EMDR celebrated its 20th year in 2009 and is a researched-based alternative to traditional “talk therapy” in the treatment of trauma. Francine Shapiro created EMDR and initially utilized it to help veterans struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

EMDR utilizes a combination of therapeutic approaches with bilateral stimulation, i.e. the use of alternating, right-left tracking that can take the form of eye movements, sounds, or tactile stimulation. EMDR “gets to” the underlying trauma. It unfreezes the symptoms that are “locked” in the nervous system, so that it can “let go” of them on an emotional and logical level. I tell my clients that it is like an emotional detox of sorts.

Contrary to popular belief, EMDR is not “just moving your eyes back and forth,” or “listening to back and forth tones,” its a comprehensive treatment model, taking into account a variety of therapeutic modalities. As I mentioned in a previous post, the EMDR “protocol” is an eight phased approach, each phases builds upon the next to allow the client to release and reprocess the event(s) that are contributing to his or her symptoms.

Consider that our brain has two hemispheres; the left is more logical and the right, more emotional. Experiences that are traumatic for us cause the hemispheres to get out of sync. For example, you may know that what happened to you “is over” but it doesn’t feel true. Your logical left-brain, and subjective right-brain, are in conflict. Instead of actually “processing” what happened, the upsetting, scary, or traumatic experience get “stuck” or “frozen” in the nervous system.

Here’s what we mean by the term “processing.” Because the cognitive and ands sensory aspects of traumatic events are stored “maladaptively,” in the nervous system and in a state dependent form, they can still “intrude” into your present life and cause symptoms in the present. We EMDR therapists want to help your nervous system store the material in a more adaptive and healthy way.

In other words, instead of the trauma being locked in the nervous system as it was at the time, causing symptoms, the nervous system can reprocess what happened, including the images, thoughts, sensations, feelings, in order for it to really know that “it’s over.” Instead of your body being stuck in a fight, flight, or freeze response, still seeing what happened, feeling what you felt at the time, or thinking about yourself as you did, we want your system to know its over, really over.

We EMDR folks call this process Adaptive Information Processing (AIP). We believe that within all of us is a mechanism that seeks to process what happened, and didn’t get the chance to; instead, it was stored, locked in our right brain, unprocessed, and in the same form as when the disturbing event(s) happened.

We also utilize the metaphor of a train going down the tracks. As we move forward and process the experiences that contribute to the current symptoms, now, we begin to move towards a more adaptive resolution. As we travel down the tracks, we process the cognitive or sensory–motor material. We pick up newer and more adaptive information as we stop at different train stations. Literally, we are linking adaptive and helpful cognitive and sensory-motor material in your existing nuero-networks, with the track you have been on, the ones that weren’t so helpful. In other words, we get what you know, logically, to link with how you stored the traumas, as you move forward along the train track. Those emotions, sensations, beliefs, and images that got stored at the time in their state dependent form, are now transformed and stored in more adaptive ways, ways that enable you to feel present, grounded, and no longer hijacked by the events of the past. And if you are like any of my clients, you may be seeking something similar.

When Hay House Publishing sent me my free copy of “Experience Your Good Now! Learning To Use Affirmations” by Louise L. Hay I was reluctant to read another book on positive affirmations. The word “affirmation” was weighted with a preconceived idea of how “affirmation books” often appear, lists and lists of positive statements, but without the “how to use them” aspect. I was glad to be proven wrong.

As a therapist, I often encourage my clients to use affirmations. I believe that they can be a powerful part of our healing process. And, because I am a therapist practicing EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization Reprocessing), asking my clients to identify their positive and negative beliefs is commonplace. EMDR therapists seek to release those “negative cognitions” by identifying the traumas that “taught” them in the first place. For, even though we know positive affirmations about ourselves, “logically,” the negative beliefs about ourselves are locked within our histories. We have to purge and release the past events from our nervous system, not just the cognitive, thinking part of our minds. If we don’t, the body will still hold onto those beliefs. Our actions come from those negative thoughts, rather than what we know logically about ourselves and would prefer to chose instead.

Quite frankly, many of my clients come to therapy saying that they already read, copied, wrote, and repeated positive affirmations over and over. “It didn’t work.” I believe that we can find ourselves getting “stuck” like this; it is because we also have to explore what negative cognitions are getting in the way. Because we know that traumas “store” negative beliefs in the body, it is challenging to find books that truly address where those beliefs came from.

With this in mind, it appears that Louise Hay has taken a more in depth approach to affirmations, and one that I believe gets to the source of our negative cognitions. “Experience Your Good Now!” offers specific ways for exploring how to shift one’s thinking. Her steps, exercises, and questions are simple, refreshing, and a joy to read. Her book helps us to actively identify foundation events that contributed to our negative beliefs, as well as looking at the secondary gains to not challenging them. In other words, we are asked to not only identify what we believe about ourselves, but also what we fear would happen if we were to let go of those beliefs. And, in my opinion, if we are willing to take the time to complete the exercises that Louise Hay offers, we can truly dig in and find where those core negative beliefs live, and begin to releasing their power over us.

Also, as an EMDR therapist exploring negative beliefs, I see that our negative cognitions about ourselves usually revolve around one of three themes, responsibility, safety, and choice. For example, “it’s my fault,” or “I am not good enough” is taking inappropriate responsibility or self-blame, “I can’t trust others” is about safety, for example, or “I am out of control,” is about the sense of having no choices. Therefore, I was happy to see that “Experience Your Good Now!” explores how to use affirmations to address these themes. Louise Hay also captures ten specific areas of our lives such as health, emotions, money, friends, love, critical thinking, addictions, forgiveness, and aging. By looking at these ten areas, we can learn what created our current beliefs about ourselves, as well as how to change them. Therefore, I truly believe that Louise Hay has created a useable affirmation book, one that can complement our healing work, as we release the negative beliefs we adopted from our old wounds.

Oh, and by the way, this just in! Hay House has also got a I Can Do It! Sea Caribbean Cruise contest for those who read the book. You can enter and find out more at www.experienceyourgoodnow.com

I don’t know what it is all about, but all of a sudden, my friends are buying sheep. They find stray goats, are raising chickens, and send their loved ones roses. I, occasionally, get the odd picture of what their more rural life is comprised of, the odd picture of their farms, and all of the latest happenings as they lose their goats, find lost black sheep, and harvest their crops, all in the span of a few hours. And, being a girl who was raised on a farm, with memories of bailing hay and sheering sheep, I get quite confused. For, Facebook’s “Farm” game application captivates its farmers, ironically, to stay inside. And, while social networking is unquestionably powerful, and I am a part of it’s web, I am constantly reminded of my, our, need to be conscious, in it.

The Art of Connection

Don’t get me wrong; I am a big advocate for technology. In fact, any and all of my loved ones reading this will giggle and attest that I am zealous in my passion for it. Nevertheless, I am also noticing that as technology increases, connections that are usually developed by sitting in another’s energy, by witnessing their feelings, by being present, seem to be dwindling. We send emails, texts, and messages via social networking applications. Nevertheless, we may never talk. We may communicate, but never speak to or see each other. Then, as a result, the lone “farmer” never gets out to meet with those who are real, outside of that made up world, found in the reflection of his or her computer screen.

I mention Facebook because, in the last year or so, it seems to have reach it’s tipping point. It is a rarity for my clients not to reference its impact on their lives. It’s rare for my friends to not mention it and admittedly, even for me. It is, truly, a brilliant medium. And, whether it be the old connections that are rekindled, or even the fears and anxieties that can resurface as a result, the power and impact of social networking on our lives, even our businesses, is irrefutable.

And, you are likely to be hearing similar stories all of the time. Old high-school friends who, still, remember why their friendships didn’t continue. At the same time, beautiful stories of people finding each other after years of wondering what had happened, and making up for lost time. Just as in anything, social networking has its blessings and its curses.

I was recently struck by an example of social networking’s power while walking down Mill Avenue. Overhearing a college student discussing her anxiety about being dropped by her friend, I then realized that her friendship had been broken off online. She was no longer allowed to be a “friend” to this person, via Facebook. Similarly, a man learning that his romantic relationship was over because, suddenly, his girlfriend’s status reflected that she was “single.” In both instances, technology had been the medium by which they had learned that their relationships were over. No phone call. No in person discussion. Technology.

Facing Our Friends

Don’t get me wrong, social networking has its place and is here to stay. Nevertheless, I believe that it is imperative that as we continue to go online, that we must also be conscious to call, see, and experience the energy of those people we are connecting with. In other words, while we can be “friends” online, we must also remember how to “do friendship” outside of the online community as well. And, as a result, we can allow our relationships to evolve because of social networking, to expand our connections, but not replace them. In other words, getting out into the world, meeting, and enjoying the presence of those we are truly friends with.

Granted, as any social psychologist will tell you, the power of proximity on the maintenance of friendships is undeniable. And, social networking allows me to connect with friends all over the world, many of whom I would be otherwise challenged to maintain such contact with. But, if we are sitting at home, in front of a computer, wanting to reach out into our communities, to share our feelings, connect with people, it often means calling, seeing, and being mentally conscious in our friendships.

I get it. I do it. Texting is easy. Email is easy. Nevertheless, in my counseling practice I am constantly struck by how these two forms of communication often replace a one-on-one dialogue. For example, my clients often tell me that they “had a fight” with their husbands, girlfriends, and friends. As they relay the conversations back to me, I then realize that it was via text or email. There was not opportunity to witness the body-language, feel the atmosphere, or look into the other person’s eyes and witness the loved one’s inner experience. What I call a “flat” communication ensues, one that email and texting easily misinterprets or confuses, thus creating more conflict. The ease of technology also allows us to perpetuate a “distance” in our relationships. Rather than working on why it feels safer to communicate via that medium, the individuals may depend on it to maintain the dynamics of the relationship. Instead of changing them and increasing the intimacy, those emotionally challenging dialogues continue via a medium that can challenge emotional intimacy.

All this being said, dive into the online community and social networking. Heck, explore it and learn about its many wonders. It truly is fascinating. Nevertheless, I ask that we all continue to be conscious in our relationships. Don’t have those tough conversations via technology; learn how to communicate one-on-one. Call up some of those friends on Facebook, and, ironically, meet them face-to-face. For, if we text or email our friends, maybe we can remember how to call them back, talk, and be conscious of our true need to make connections, socially.