EMDR utilizes a combination of therapeutic approaches with bilateral stimulation, i.e. the use of alternating, right-left tracking that can take the form of eye movements, sounds, or tactile stimulation. EMDR “gets to” the underlying trauma. It unfreezes the symptoms that are “locked” in the nervous system, so that it can “let go” of them on an emotional and logical level. I tell my clients that it is like an emotional detox of sorts.

Contrary to popular belief, EMDR is not “just moving your eyes back and forth,” or “listening to back and forth tones,” its a comprehensive treatment model, taking into account a variety of therapeutic modalities. As I mentioned in a previous post, the EMDR “protocol” is an eight phased approach, each phases builds upon the next to allow the client to release and reprocess the event(s) that are contributing to his or her symptoms.

Consider that our brain has two hemispheres; the left is more logical and the right, more emotional. Experiences that are traumatic for us cause the hemispheres to get out of sync. For example, you may know that what happened to you “is over” but it doesn’t feel true. Your logical left-brain, and subjective right-brain, are in conflict. Instead of actually “processing” what happened, the upsetting, scary, or traumatic experience get “stuck” or “frozen” in the nervous system.

Here’s what we mean by the term “processing.” Because the cognitive and ands sensory aspects of traumatic events are stored “maladaptively,” in the nervous system and in a state dependent form, they can still “intrude” into your present life and cause symptoms in the present. We EMDR therapists want to help your nervous system store the material in a more adaptive and healthy way.

In other words, instead of the trauma being locked in the nervous system as it was at the time, causing symptoms, the nervous system can reprocess what happened, including the images, thoughts, sensations, feelings, in order for it to really know that “it’s over.” Instead of your body being stuck in a fight, flight, or freeze response, still seeing what happened, feeling what you felt at the time, or thinking about yourself as you did, we want your system to know its over, really over.

We EMDR folks call this process Adaptive Information Processing (AIP). We believe that within all of us is a mechanism that seeks to process what happened, and didn’t get the chance to; instead, it was stored, locked in our right brain, unprocessed, and in the same form as when the disturbing event(s) happened.

We also utilize the metaphor of a train going down the tracks. As we move forward and process the experiences that contribute to the current symptoms, now, we begin to move towards a more adaptive resolution. As we travel down the tracks, we process the cognitive or sensory–motor material. We pick up newer and more adaptive information as we stop at different train stations. Literally, we are linking adaptive and helpful cognitive and sensory-motor material in your existing nuero-networks, with the track you have been on, the ones that weren’t so helpful. In other words, we get what you know, logically, to link with how you stored the traumas, as you move forward along the train track. Those emotions, sensations, beliefs, and images that got stored at the time in their state dependent form, are now transformed and stored in more adaptive ways, ways that enable you to feel present, grounded, and no longer hijacked by the events of the past. And if you are like any of my clients, you may be seeking something similar.

As a therapist, I often encourage my clients to use affirmations. I believe that they can be a powerful part of our healing process. And, because I am a therapist practicing EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization Reprocessing), asking my clients to identify their positive and negative beliefs is commonplace. EMDR therapists seek to release those “negative cognitions” by identifying the traumas that “taught” them in the first place. For, even though we know positive affirmations about ourselves, “logically,” the negative beliefs about ourselves are locked within our histories. We have to purge and release the past events from our nervous system, not just the cognitive, thinking part of our minds. If we don’t, the body will still hold onto those beliefs. Our actions come from those negative thoughts, rather than what we know logically about ourselves and would prefer to chose instead.

Quite frankly, many of my clients come to therapy saying that they already read, copied, wrote, and repeated positive affirmations over and over. “It didn’t work.” I believe that we can find ourselves getting “stuck” like this; it is because we also have to explore what negative cognitions are getting in the way. Because we know that traumas “store” negative beliefs in the body, it is challenging to find books that truly address where those beliefs came from.

With this in mind, it appears that Louise Hay has taken a more in depth approach to affirmations, and one that I believe gets to the source of our negative cognitions. “Experience Your Good Now!” offers specific ways for exploring how to shift one’s thinking. Her steps, exercises, and questions are simple, refreshing, and a joy to read. Her book helps us to actively identify foundation events that contributed to our negative beliefs, as well as looking at the secondary gains to not challenging them. In other words, we are asked to not only identify what we believe about ourselves, but also what we fear would happen if we were to let go of those beliefs. And, in my opinion, if we are willing to take the time to complete the exercises that Louise Hay offers, we can truly dig in and find where those core negative beliefs live, and begin to releasing their power over us.

Also, as an EMDR therapist exploring negative beliefs, I see that our negative cognitions about ourselves usually revolve around one of three themes, responsibility, safety, and choice. For example, “it’s my fault,” or “I am not good enough” is taking inappropriate responsibility or self-blame, “I can’t trust others” is about safety, for example, or “I am out of control,” is about the sense of having no choices. Therefore, I was happy to see that “Experience Your Good Now!” explores how to use affirmations to address these themes. Louise Hay also captures ten specific areas of our lives such as health, emotions, money, friends, love, critical thinking, addictions, forgiveness, and aging. By looking at these ten areas, we can learn what created our current beliefs about ourselves, as well as how to change them. Therefore, I truly believe that Louise Hay has created a useable affirmation book, one that can complement our healing work, as we release the negative beliefs we adopted from our old wounds.

Oh, and by the way, this just in! Hay House has also got a I Can Do It! Sea Caribbean Cruise contest for those who read the book. You can enter and find out more at www.experienceyourgoodnow.com

With a constant borage of agitation surrounding his work, the man sitting next to me is on a rant. I struggle to avoid it. Those “other people” at his work “don’t get it” they are “too small minded to see the value of [his] work.” My stomach is turning and I feel like I am going to be ill. I am viscerally experiencing what Dr. Dyer calls the “very twisted world of ambition,” that nurtures the ego’s desire towards “being better than everyone else, winning at all costs, accumulating more stuff, and being seen by everyone else as being brilliantly successful.” My anxiety increases while I feel my energy draining. I struggle to meet the man with compassion, for know I have to. I have been him. I am him. But, I still can’t be near that vibration because it feels too overwhelming. My ego tells says I’m “just being to sensitive.” But all of a sudden, a reassuring inner voice tells me that I’m onto something, and Dr. Dyer’s book seems to anchor me in reality.

What Dr. Dyer summarizes is that through a focus on ambition, we have bought the idea that what we do, own, and how we are perceived is really who we are. As if a highly skilled snake oil salesman eying us from across the street, peddling his wares, the ego is a trickster. For the glittering goods we buy from him, our self-serving ambitions are the very things that lead to suffering. We fear losing what we have accumulated, thus working harder to get more and more. And, like the man I overheard at lunch today, we become attached to the idea that we must defend our ideas and things because they are “ours.” It is ironic, asserts Dr. Dyer, for we are still connected to each other, and to the divine. My, and your, ego would love to keep us separate, but we are connected energetically, albeit that we all bought that snake oil that our egos peddled.

Dr. Dyer’s message echoes various ancient texts, including the Upanishads and the Hua Hu Ching, that all of us have forgotten who we are. That in our desire to become, that we have forgotten a shining light within us, our dharma, what we are here to bring into the world. We have forgotten that we already are. That in our focus on the material, we have been consumed by ambition, driven to create lives that look, sound, and feel good from the outside, but are merely costumes. We have forgotten why we are on this journey, forgotten that we were born from an energetic connection to the divine, that formless spirit, God, Source, The Tao. Dr. Dyer details that, ironically, the universe is always ready for us to shift, remembering that this place we came from, but instead we buy into what the ego has sold us, that this is where we should be.

The good news is that we were born with a round trip ticket, one we can always use to return to that part of us that always knew its divinity. We just have to be willing to cash it in. We have to close the door on ego’s desires, opening another door, moving towards a life of meaning. And as I eagerly write this, I can note that my ego sarcastically chimes in that “ when one door closes, and another opens, it’s the hallway in between that can kill you.” It’s still persistent, that shady, snake-oil seller. I’m onto it.

The Shift reinforces that if we don’t want what the ego sells, a “U Turn,” ensues, one that involves specific steps to returning to and remembering our connection to Source. To me, this is the most valuable part of The Shift. Dr. Dyer thoughtfully, consciously, and skillfully summarizes a 7–Step Summary and 4 Cardinal Virtues that can shift us towards living a life of meaning. And, while echoing the inspiration of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, Dr. Dyer’s language transforms what are often seen as inaccessible Eastern principles into a usable and easily understandable Western text.

We can U Turn from what our egos are attached to, challenging ourselves to “be,” to move towards meaning and away from the unreal. Dr. Dyer has successfully taught us why, and how to, avoid that ego driven snake oil sales-man. Because of Dr. Dyer, we know the ego’s tricks. This time, we have The Shift, and we’re ready for it.

The Art of Connection

Don’t get me wrong; I am a big advocate for technology. In fact, any and all of my loved ones reading this will giggle and attest that I am zealous in my passion for it. Nevertheless, I am also noticing that as technology increases, connections that are usually developed by sitting in another’s energy, by witnessing their feelings, by being present, seem to be dwindling. We send emails, texts, and messages via social networking applications. Nevertheless, we may never talk. We may communicate, but never speak to or see each other. Then, as a result, the lone “farmer” never gets out to meet with those who are real, outside of that made up world, found in the reflection of his or her computer screen.

I mention Facebook because, in the last year or so, it seems to have reach it’s tipping point. It is a rarity for my clients not to reference its impact on their lives. It’s rare for my friends to not mention it and admittedly, even for me. It is, truly, a brilliant medium. And, whether it be the old connections that are rekindled, or even the fears and anxieties that can resurface as a result, the power and impact of social networking on our lives, even our businesses, is irrefutable.

And, you are likely to be hearing similar stories all of the time. Old high-school friends who, still, remember why their friendships didn’t continue. At the same time, beautiful stories of people finding each other after years of wondering what had happened, and making up for lost time. Just as in anything, social networking has its blessings and its curses.

I was recently struck by an example of social networking’s power while walking down Mill Avenue. Overhearing a college student discussing her anxiety about being dropped by her friend, I then realized that her friendship had been broken off online. She was no longer allowed to be a “friend” to this person, via Facebook. Similarly, a man learning that his romantic relationship was over because, suddenly, his girlfriend’s status reflected that she was “single.” In both instances, technology had been the medium by which they had learned that their relationships were over. No phone call. No in person discussion. Technology.

Facing Our Friends

Don’t get me wrong, social networking has its place and is here to stay. Nevertheless, I believe that it is imperative that as we continue to go online, that we must also be conscious to call, see, and experience the energy of those people we are connecting with. In other words, while we can be “friends” online, we must also remember how to “do friendship” outside of the online community as well. And, as a result, we can allow our relationships to evolve because of social networking, to expand our connections, but not replace them. In other words, getting out into the world, meeting, and enjoying the presence of those we are truly friends with.

Granted, as any social psychologist will tell you, the power of proximity on the maintenance of friendships is undeniable. And, social networking allows me to connect with friends all over the world, many of whom I would be otherwise challenged to maintain such contact with. But, if we are sitting at home, in front of a computer, wanting to reach out into our communities, to share our feelings, connect with people, it often means calling, seeing, and being mentally conscious in our friendships.

I get it. I do it. Texting is easy. Email is easy. Nevertheless, in my counseling practice I am constantly struck by how these two forms of communication often replace a one-on-one dialogue. For example, my clients often tell me that they “had a fight” with their husbands, girlfriends, and friends. As they relay the conversations back to me, I then realize that it was via text or email. There was not opportunity to witness the body-language, feel the atmosphere, or look into the other person’s eyes and witness the loved one’s inner experience. What I call a “flat” communication ensues, one that email and texting easily misinterprets or confuses, thus creating more conflict. The ease of technology also allows us to perpetuate a “distance” in our relationships. Rather than working on why it feels safer to communicate via that medium, the individuals may depend on it to maintain the dynamics of the relationship. Instead of changing them and increasing the intimacy, those emotionally challenging dialogues continue via a medium that can challenge emotional intimacy.

All this being said, dive into the online community and social networking. Heck, explore it and learn about its many wonders. It truly is fascinating. Nevertheless, I ask that we all continue to be conscious in our relationships. Don’t have those tough conversations via technology; learn how to communicate one-on-one. Call up some of those friends on Facebook, and, ironically, meet them face-to-face. For, if we text or email our friends, maybe we can remember how to call them back, talk, and be conscious of our true need to make connections, socially.

Our voices, I find, are things that we often take for granted. While we may assume that it will always be there, or be readily available to make itself known, that is not always the case. In fact, the idea of having a voice, for many, creates greater anxiety then the idea of not using it. Often, a history of being unable to find, use, or express the voice, is commonplace, especially for the women and men I work with who have histories of trauma. And, maybe you are a little like them, perhaps your voice has been hidden from view, silenced, or unavailable when you needed it the most.

Of course, you already know the physicality of using your voice. You know that it is a way communicating to the world, a way of expressing yourself. Yet, we often forget that our voice is, literally, the vehicle for sharing our innermost selves, our intentions, our fears, our needs, our past, present, and future with the outside world. Furthermore, as we express ourselves to the outside world, we hear our words. Thus, we are given the opportunity to hear our innermost thoughts, which is often the most challenging, yet freeing result as they echo back to us through others’ reactions, responses, and their voices.

Yet, for many who are recovering from anxiety, depression, trauma, or addictions, inevitably, the voice struggles to be heard, or if it does present itself, it does so indirectly, surreptitiously, or through repetitious symptoms and patterns of behavior. Your voice may want to express itself, but not know how. It may be blocked. It may not know that it can. It may not know its true value. And when my clients reach the point, as they often do, that their voices want to be heard, we begin discussing what I call “finding your voice in three stages”

Stage One: Finding The “Right” To Speak

When we start to express “out loud” rather than “internalizing” or “stuffing” whatever needs to be said, we release what has restricted our voices. Nevertheless, not expressing what we want to say is the result and leads to thoughts about whether we have the right to use our voices in the first place. Regardless of what we want to say, even if we have the ability to use it, the expression of the voice requires, first of all, a belief that we have the right to speak our truths.

When we are in the first stage of finding the voice it sounds like “can I say “this” out loud? It is okay for me to “think this?” These two questions, or variations thereof, are my first clues that the voice is in the beginning stages of making itself known to my clients. Once we release the restrictions that have held the voice back, closed it off, or blocked it, the second stage involves shifting our energy towards expressing what wants to be said.

Stage Two: About Being Heard

As it may have been in the past, in the present we may or may not be heard. With this in mind, when we know that we have the right to speak, we shift into making a decision about whether we want to actually speak. And, while making this decision, it is imperative that we do so without an expectation of the outcome. If we make a decision to say our truths, and let them be expressed, we must be aware that those hearing it have free will in how they do or do not respond. Therefore, I make sure to educate clients regarding this aspect of using our voices otherwise, we risk expressing ourselves with the expectation or hope that we will achieve a specific result. The reality is that many who have not used their voices do so because they have not been heard in the past. As a result, their voices were restricted. To use our voices, to convey our truths is to do so because we desire the freedom that can come from communicating it, not because we are expecting a specific reaction from others.

Stage Three: Using The Voice

Whether or not we are comfortable saying what wants to be said, when we have discovered our “right to speak,” and considered whether we will be heard, the momentum inevitably shifts to the third stage of finding our voices, perhaps using it. And, because the voice may be stifled, blocked, or closed off, there may be a pattern of never using it. Therefore, we must learn how to use it, skillfully, consciously, and with intention. All the while, actively considering what serves our highest interest, and that of those who would hear it. Thus, we may choose to actually use it. We may even decide that expressing it to ourselves, is enough. Either way, we have done so consciously and while fully present.

When we explore our voices, the three stages, inevitably show up. While they may not appear in order, the reality is that each one is an important part of our healing process. For, as we determine our innermost truths, the choice about what to do with our discoveries asks us to hear ourselves, just as we might ask the same of others.

I am convinced that half the time, we set and meet goals without a positive intention of WHY we created them in the first place. As a result, we can chose goals that really aren’t in our best interest or are based on what I call “DEFICIT THINKING” We pick goals that are based on making up for a perceived deficit within our lives or inner most selves. A deficit based goal sounds like “I have to workout because I don’t like how I look and feel.” Listen to how differently this sounds “I want to workout because I can see myself crossing the finish line.” One is deficit based, while one is positive and future focused. One is based on a perceived lack, while the other is based on self-acceptance.

Instead, when we focus our attention on an affirmative goal, our minds eye, literally, sees the goal being accomplished and gives us a felt sense of completing it, even before we even do. We can step into an image of what it would be like to reach our goals. We can see our lives through a lens of accomplishment, rather than in comparison to a mental image of what we don’t want. In other words, our emotional, physical, and spiritual bodies will respond more positively.

1. Identify what short and long term goals you have created

2. Are your goals specific and based on what you will be “doing,” “experiencing,” and “feeling” when you reach them?

3. Are any of your goals based on DEFICIT THINKING instead of AFFIRMATIVE THINKING i.e. are you focusing on what you don’t want, instead of what you do want?

4. Have you written down or shared your goals with anyone? Are there other people who you can share your goal with to get extra support?

5. Is your goal realistic?

6. Do you have the tools, right now, to help you reach your goal?

7. Do you need to set smaller goals and meet them, in order to get closer to your long-term goal?

7. Do you know why you have this goal in the first place? If not, write down the benefits of reaching it.

Nevertheless, when we writers chose to write about not being able to write, inevitably, something does show up. And, when I show up, rather than waiting for something to happen outside of me, the words arrive to support me. When I am committed, sit down, and do the hardest work, they will show up for me. What strikes me about this experience is that we all can relate to it.

Waiting For Something To Happen

We often want something to “show up” but, ironically, if we wait for whatever it is to show up, or “something to happen,” we can actually find that we have missed the opportunity. We, in fact, missed what could have shown up for us because we did not make it happen. In fact, we forgot to “show up” for ourselves, for what we needed to stand up for in the first place. Our true selves, the part of us that knows what is best for us, what some call the higher self, asks that of us. The catch is that sometimes we just ignore ourselves. We “wait for something to happen,” and the rewards that come from us showing up, just pass us by.

Commitment. Showing up. Being there.

However life asks us to “show up” the hardest part is usually getting there to do the work. For me, the challenges to “showing up” usually come in the form of my ego telling me stories to distract me from what I have said I am committed to. So, while lassoing my mind on the yoga mat can be challenging the, “getting there” to do it is the greatest challenge. My ego and alarm clock are on two opposing teams, each vying for what the other thinks is right for me. My ego bribing the snooze button for a little more rest, “yoga can wait.” While my alarm clock struggles with the responsibility of knowing that “yesterday, she told me that she was committed.” Showing up is the hardest part of my practice. And getting there, showing up, is often the toughest part of recovery.

The battle between our commitments and our ego’s desires, the battle between our agreements and the comfort of “not showing up,” is ever apparent in recovery. Whatever we are recovery from, we can all relate to the experience of “knowing” that something was good for us, healthier, the path to follow, yet something within us tells us otherwise. As if to distract us from our true-selves, to keep us hostage within ourselves, the ego can easily distract us from the path we are committed to. It may tell us that the easier road, the one that that requires less action, is comfortable, safer, and available right now. Whereas, the path that we say we are committed to, the one that requires right action, that asks us to walk it each day, may take time. It isn’t easy. It isn’t a speedy process. Our commitments will be challenged with setbacks, missteps, and lapses in judgment. Furthermore, it is unrealistic and based in fantasy, to assume that those challenging moments will not be there. And in ignoring the challenges, we are falling prey to the assumption that recovery is going to be relatively straightforward.

Yes, your meeting is going to be hard to get to. Yes, it will probably conflict with something else that is important to you. At times, your recovery will be an inconvenience, as a desire to keep things as they are. In fact, we can pretty much guarantee that whatever it is that we are in recovery from, life will ask us to demonstrate our level of commitment. It will tempt us with opportunities to avoid showing up, to avoid doing what is hard, to avoid getting there; something will always “be in the way.”

Life will tempt me with avoiding what could show up on my yoga mat. It will tempt my trauma survivors to avoid today’s therapy because it’s so painful. It will give a seemingly valid reason for being unable to a meeting. The reality is that life always asks us to show up, especially in moments when recovery feels harder than doing what we always did. Our commitments, those things that we said we would show up for, are supposed to challenge us this way. For, it is only when we push through these critical deciding moments that we arrive. It is only when we look back and see the steps we took, the challenges we faced, that we realize how, where, and when we showed up. And all of a sudden, what we were committed to has shown up for us.

But, I just chuckle at the idea of how much “spam” we accept in our minds. Forget email. Forget blog posts. What about those thoughts and ideas that spam us moment to moment. For example, in reading one of my favorite Stephen Cope books, the idea of there being 60,000 thoughts every day just boggles me! Are we willing to filter out those thoughts that “spam us.” Perhaps if we actually allowed ourselves to sit still, quietly, watching our breath, we could help ourselves by prevent our egos from spamming us so much! Just a little food for thought…

Similarly, I often stories from those who have idealized, romanticized, or wished upon something, to then be disappointed when it arrived. Ironically, it is not that the desired outcome was actually a true disappointment. Its just that that didn’t “match” the original fantasy or idealized image of it. Whether it was that the relationship didn’t “look like I thought it would be,” or that experience “wasn’t as exciting as I thought it would be,” it all comes down to expectations.

The bottom line is that our expectations often do not meet reality willingly. And, when we are focused on the struggle of not getting what we “want,” or what it “should look like,” we forget that not getting it, may really be in our best interest. In the big picture, perhaps it opens up wider possibilities than we originally asked for. And for that to happen, we must be willing to allow things just to unfold.

1. Count the number of objects in the room you are in.
2. Have favorite CD or song available, on an MP3 player or phone.
3. Have a favorite smell available to sniff to ground you.
4. Take your shoes off and run them into the floor, as if they were roots in the ground.
5. Have a favorite comforting object with you all the time, to hold if you need to.
6. Take a tennis ball and rub it under your feet, pressing it into your arches as you do.
7. Hold ice.
8. Remember, now is not then. Have a phrase that you use to remind you of TODAY.