I’m challenged to write today. In fact, writing has been testing me a lot of late. Words keep coming up, wanting my attention, asking to be embraced in sentences amongst other words. Yet, the challenge remains of what to write about. Some call it writer’s block, some even venture into the world of myth and legend, speaking of their wanting to wait for the “muse” to arrive, for inspiration to peak its head from behind the ego’s curtain of illusion, the illusion that tells the writer that it must be “just right,” for its message to capture the spirit and heart of its reader.

Nevertheless, when we writers chose to write about not being able to write, inevitably, something does show up. And, when I show up, rather than waiting for something to happen outside of me, the words arrive to support me. When I am committed, sit down, and do the hardest work, they will show up for me. What strikes me about this experience is that we all can relate to it.

Waiting For Something To Happen

We often want something to “show up” but, ironically, if we wait for whatever it is to show up, or “something to happen,” we can actually find that we have missed the opportunity. We, in fact, missed what could have shown up for us because we did not make it happen. In fact, we forgot to “show up” for ourselves, for what we needed to stand up for in the first place. Our true selves, the part of us that knows what is best for us, what some call the higher self, asks that of us. The catch is that sometimes we just ignore ourselves. We “wait for something to happen,” and the rewards that come from us showing up, just pass us by.

Commitment. Showing up. Being there.

However life asks us to “show up” the hardest part is usually getting there to do the work. For me, the challenges to “showing up” usually come in the form of my ego telling me stories to distract me from what I have said I am committed to. So, while lassoing my mind on the yoga mat can be challenging the, “getting there” to do it is the greatest challenge. My ego and alarm clock are on two opposing teams, each vying for what the other thinks is right for me. My ego bribing the snooze button for a little more rest, “yoga can wait.” While my alarm clock struggles with the responsibility of knowing that “yesterday, she told me that she was committed.” Showing up is the hardest part of my practice. And getting there, showing up, is often the toughest part of recovery.

The battle between our commitments and our ego’s desires, the battle between our agreements and the comfort of “not showing up,” is ever apparent in recovery. Whatever we are recovery from, we can all relate to the experience of “knowing” that something was good for us, healthier, the path to follow, yet something within us tells us otherwise. As if to distract us from our true-selves, to keep us hostage within ourselves, the ego can easily distract us from the path we are committed to. It may tell us that the easier road, the one that that requires less action, is comfortable, safer, and available right now. Whereas, the path that we say we are committed to, the one that requires right action, that asks us to walk it each day, may take time. It isn’t easy. It isn’t a speedy process. Our commitments will be challenged with setbacks, missteps, and lapses in judgment. Furthermore, it is unrealistic and based in fantasy, to assume that those challenging moments will not be there. And in ignoring the challenges, we are falling prey to the assumption that recovery is going to be relatively straightforward.

Yes, your meeting is going to be hard to get to. Yes, it will probably conflict with something else that is important to you. At times, your recovery will be an inconvenience, as a desire to keep things as they are. In fact, we can pretty much guarantee that whatever it is that we are in recovery from, life will ask us to demonstrate our level of commitment. It will tempt us with opportunities to avoid showing up, to avoid doing what is hard, to avoid getting there; something will always “be in the way.”

Life will tempt me with avoiding what could show up on my yoga mat. It will tempt my trauma survivors to avoid today’s therapy because it’s so painful. It will give a seemingly valid reason for being unable to a meeting. The reality is that life always asks us to show up, especially in moments when recovery feels harder than doing what we always did. Our commitments, those things that we said we would show up for, are supposed to challenge us this way. For, it is only when we push through these critical deciding moments that we arrive. It is only when we look back and see the steps we took, the challenges we faced, that we realize how, where, and when we showed up. And all of a sudden, what we were committed to has shown up for us.