I don’t know what it is all about, but all of a sudden, my friends are buying sheep. They find stray goats, are raising chickens, and send their loved ones roses. I, occasionally, get the odd picture of what their more rural life is comprised of, the odd picture of their farms, and all of the latest happenings as they lose their goats, find lost black sheep, and harvest their crops, all in the span of a few hours. And, being a girl who was raised on a farm, with memories of bailing hay and sheering sheep, I get quite confused. For, Facebook’s “Farm” game application captivates its farmers, ironically, to stay inside. And, while social networking is unquestionably powerful, and I am a part of it’s web, I am constantly reminded of my, our, need to be conscious, in it.

The Art of Connection

Don’t get me wrong; I am a big advocate for technology. In fact, any and all of my loved ones reading this will giggle and attest that I am zealous in my passion for it. Nevertheless, I am also noticing that as technology increases, connections that are usually developed by sitting in another’s energy, by witnessing their feelings, by being present, seem to be dwindling. We send emails, texts, and messages via social networking applications. Nevertheless, we may never talk. We may communicate, but never speak to or see each other. Then, as a result, the lone “farmer” never gets out to meet with those who are real, outside of that made up world, found in the reflection of his or her computer screen.

I mention Facebook because, in the last year or so, it seems to have reach it’s tipping point. It is a rarity for my clients not to reference its impact on their lives. It’s rare for my friends to not mention it and admittedly, even for me. It is, truly, a brilliant medium. And, whether it be the old connections that are rekindled, or even the fears and anxieties that can resurface as a result, the power and impact of social networking on our lives, even our businesses, is irrefutable.

And, you are likely to be hearing similar stories all of the time. Old high-school friends who, still, remember why their friendships didn’t continue. At the same time, beautiful stories of people finding each other after years of wondering what had happened, and making up for lost time. Just as in anything, social networking has its blessings and its curses.

I was recently struck by an example of social networking’s power while walking down Mill Avenue. Overhearing a college student discussing her anxiety about being dropped by her friend, I then realized that her friendship had been broken off online. She was no longer allowed to be a “friend” to this person, via Facebook. Similarly, a man learning that his romantic relationship was over because, suddenly, his girlfriend’s status reflected that she was “single.” In both instances, technology had been the medium by which they had learned that their relationships were over. No phone call. No in person discussion. Technology.

Facing Our Friends

Don’t get me wrong, social networking has its place and is here to stay. Nevertheless, I believe that it is imperative that as we continue to go online, that we must also be conscious to call, see, and experience the energy of those people we are connecting with. In other words, while we can be “friends” online, we must also remember how to “do friendship” outside of the online community as well. And, as a result, we can allow our relationships to evolve because of social networking, to expand our connections, but not replace them. In other words, getting out into the world, meeting, and enjoying the presence of those we are truly friends with.

Granted, as any social psychologist will tell you, the power of proximity on the maintenance of friendships is undeniable. And, social networking allows me to connect with friends all over the world, many of whom I would be otherwise challenged to maintain such contact with. But, if we are sitting at home, in front of a computer, wanting to reach out into our communities, to share our feelings, connect with people, it often means calling, seeing, and being mentally conscious in our friendships.

I get it. I do it. Texting is easy. Email is easy. Nevertheless, in my counseling practice I am constantly struck by how these two forms of communication often replace a one-on-one dialogue. For example, my clients often tell me that they “had a fight” with their husbands, girlfriends, and friends. As they relay the conversations back to me, I then realize that it was via text or email. There was not opportunity to witness the body-language, feel the atmosphere, or look into the other person’s eyes and witness the loved one’s inner experience. What I call a “flat” communication ensues, one that email and texting easily misinterprets or confuses, thus creating more conflict. The ease of technology also allows us to perpetuate a “distance” in our relationships. Rather than working on why it feels safer to communicate via that medium, the individuals may depend on it to maintain the dynamics of the relationship. Instead of changing them and increasing the intimacy, those emotionally challenging dialogues continue via a medium that can challenge emotional intimacy.

All this being said, dive into the online community and social networking. Heck, explore it and learn about its many wonders. It truly is fascinating. Nevertheless, I ask that we all continue to be conscious in our relationships. Don’t have those tough conversations via technology; learn how to communicate one-on-one. Call up some of those friends on Facebook, and, ironically, meet them face-to-face. For, if we text or email our friends, maybe we can remember how to call them back, talk, and be conscious of our true need to make connections, socially.